It's about time to knock off and I have not started with my Monday standard processing!!! The system is Fxxking slow and I really cannot tolerate it!!!

Today Joo is sick and obviously my lunch Kakis are CJ and Rick. I need to remit $$ again for my maid, so I need to go Lucky Plaza today. Arranged early lunch to avoid crowds, but as usual, there are delay...

On the way, we walked through CK Tang to avoid going up and down from the MRT escalator. Rick pointed at certain brand of iron (to press clothes) and say "this brand is good". Then CJ replied "Got wireless one mah"

Rick is new in our group and obviously he is not as fast as Joo and myself, frowned and asked "Wireless"????!!!!!

CJ replied "Ya...wireless one...you dun know ar? That Philip brand one lor...u can on the switch, then when it warm up, press clothes and then put back again"

Rick : Oh!! I see...I thought what wireless...the exact term is CORDLESS. Anyway, just like ppl say WI FI... (Yawns...I think I know why I miss Joo when she is not around, cos I got 2 old men having lunch with me with their dun know what crap shit theory)

During teabreak,

Sharon : Got 老婆饼 from HK leh....(CJ walking in)

CJ: Oh!! 老婆饼!!...I have not tried before....picking up a box of home made moon cake, Oh!! this is how 老婆饼 look like.....(I was eating my noodle halfway and pause looking up with all noodle dangaling around my lip area)

Second part of the Joke

Sharon: CJ, you look very decent when you are in factory leh...and you are so cool and MAN that time...(I nearly choked with the noodle and gave CJ that look)

Me: Oh!! meaning now CJ you are not MAN enough lah...

CJ: Aiya...I got a switch one...if you want me to be cool, I can switch to that...(In my mind, CJ, you forget to mention about MAN leh...you cannot switch to that is it??)

While I was busy working and feeling frustrating, I got this email from a nice friend of mine :)

Thank you Lay Keng :)

Have fun reading!!

Teacher : History is a very interesting subject. It tells you about what had happened in the past.
Student : Please teacher, I don't think I want to study history.
Teacher : Why?
Student : There is no future in it.
............ ......... ......... .........

Teacher : Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much would your father still have?
Ted : $10.
Teacher : You don't know maths.
Ted : You don't know my father!
............ ......... ......... .........

Mother : David, come here.
David : Yes, mum?
Mother : You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse.
David : But I will only get my report book tomorrow.
Mother : I know that. But I am going to Hong Kong tomorrow, so I am scolding you now.
............ .......... ......... .........

Father : Why did you fail your mathematics test?
Son : On Monday, teacher said 3+5=8
Father : So?
Son : On Tuesday, she said 4+4=8 And on Wednesday, she said 6+2=8. If she can't make up her mind, how do I know the right answer?
............ ......... ......... .........

A mother and son were doing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the living room.
Suddenly, there was a loud crash of breaking plates, then complete silence. The daughter turned to look at her father.
Daughter : It's mummy!
Father : How do you know?
Daughter : She didn't say anything.
.......... ......... ......... ........

Girl : Do you love me?
Boy : Yes Dear
Girl : Would you die for me?
Boy : No, mine is undying love
------------ --------- --------- ---------

Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born
------------ --------- --------- ---------

Waiter : I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer : Don't tell me your problems. Give me the menu card.
------------ --------- --------- --------- ---

Teacher : Simon, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did u copy his?
Simon : No, teacher, it's the same dog!
------------ --------- --------- ---------

Father : Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
Son : That's why I say she's no good!
------------ --------- --------- ---------

Teacher : 'Where were u born?'
Student : 'Singapore , Sir.'
Teacher : 'Which part?'
Student : 'All of me, Sir.'
------------ --------- --------- ---------

A teacher was asking her class: 'What is the difference between 'unlawful' and 'illegal'?'
Only one hand shot up.
'Ok, answer, Joan' said the teacher.
'unlawful' is when u do something the law doesn't allow and 'illegal' is a sick eagle.'
------------ --------- --------- ---------

Teacher : 'How come you do not comb your hair?'
Ah Kow : 'No comb, Sir.'
Teacher : 'Use your dad's then.'
Ah Kow : 'No hair, Sir.'
------------ --------- --------- ---------

A boy came home from school with his exam results.
'What did u get?' asked his father.
'My marks are under water,' said the boy.
'What do u mean 'under water'?'
They are all below 'C' (sea) level'

Can you imagine office is no fun having friends like CJ??? Today Joo is super quiet...so CJ is my entertainer for the day...*CLAP***

Ken: 11:00 AM+ 1:40 PM+ 4:20 PM+ 7:00 PM+ 9:45 PM+ 12:30 AM+ tmr iron man, digital threate

CJ :where?

Ken :lido opp

CJ:shaw...ah yoh, 7pm...

Ken:yes, shaw lido cineplex....aiyo..got 4.20pm leh

CJ:nearer to 5.30pm boh meh? u dam eng leh... 4.20pm...lim lau peh company arh?

Ken:hello...when we go out lunch at 11pm and come back 2pm also LIM ah peh company mah

Ken:u r MR LIM...

Ken: u r ah peh...

CJ:ahahahha....dam chia lat

Ken:so it is LIM AH PEH....lolz (Kanna suan also dun know leh...from LIM LAU PEH, until I changed to LIM AH PEH ===> old uncle LIM)

CJ:knn (Finally realized...not too slow though...)

CJ:how come yur JM anti social 2day uh?

Ken:hahaha...kanna suan u very shiok hor?

Ken:think your "aunt" visit, she no mood

Ken:i also later "uncle" visit cos meeting

CJ :wah, i tot aunty visit only 2 days ony mah....how can so many days wan....chia lat...

Ken:dun know leh...maybe this aunt very "eng" lor..no where to go

CJ:if she dont want aunty visit, then pregnant lah... confirm 1 year boh wan...and i breast feeding, confimr another few years boh wan......ahahahaha.

Ken:hello...that's suffering for like dun know how many freaking months leh...

Ken:wow!! u got breasts to feed ar??steady!!!

CJ:normally she not like that mah,.,anyway... nv'mind lah... better not charp about "aunty", after she kick my butt hard then blood come like aunty visit on my butt!

Ken:hmmm....i trying to imagine...then i can exclaimed "Bloody BUTT"!!!

I seriously hate meeting on Thursday afternoon (every bi weekly)!!! While replying emails, CJ's message came in as below. Please see if you can understand him.

CJ:sie beh sien... ai twin ker boh?

Ken:twin ker??

CJ:ah yoh... read it in hokkien lah

CJ:i m sure yur IQ can decode this...

Ken:oh....want sweet or not??

CJ:wah piang,,..dam chia lat

Ken:ok, phrase in english lah...

CJ:very the sien... want to go home boh

Ken:what "twin ker" got to do with hokkein? it's "teng chu"

CJ:slang only mah...twin chu oso can mah..kns

Ken:I think there is something wrong with your hokkein lah...i got meeting at 3.30pm

張洪量 - 妳知道我在等妳嗎

Yesterday karaoke is fantastic!!! Especially when CJ came and sitting like a dumbass trying to figure out which female singer is "cun" (aka pretty) and trying to understand the chinese words on the screen.

When the lead of the MTV came out, CJ exclaimed "ANDY LAU!!!!". Hui Lai, Joo Min and I immediately roar out with laughter and almost together, "Where got andy lau??!!"

CJ frowned a bit and later commented..."Ok..he is "andy lau" after chicken pox.." (More laughter)

After the song was sang by Hui Lai, he asked "How come throughout the whole MTV, I did not see his mother?? Isn't he suppose to wait for his mother? He keep singing 妳知道我在等妳妈 leh..."

We immediately laughed so hard and I suppose most of us laughed till the tear actually rolled out from the corner of our eyes...Typical CJ with his "superb" mandarin!

This is my 101 post since I started my blog last April. I just realized this, but this is not what I want to write :) (some readers will exclaimed "Heng ah!!"...ya..I know, it's boring sometimes to read on what is happening around me...but that's what a blog is for...a diary of myself...but can be read by all)

Anyway, I have much to write here, so let me begin :)

Lunch is on CJ today, but HH paid for it. It is at Paramount Hotel, the same restaurant Joo and I ate with Alvin bro last year. The food is good and as usual we will have our chatting sessions after meal. Today we have a few good laughs due to CJ's cannot make it mandarin and creativity of Doris and myself.

CJ is having sore throat, trying to get him porridge to eat as he do not eat century egg. So I suggested...

Me : See if they have 鸡丝粥
CJ: I dun take cheese porridge....(whole table laughing damn loud)

Please lah CJ...鸡丝粥 = shredded chicken porridge, not 芝士粥

While having fruits for dessert...

Doris: Wow!! the mango is so sweet..

CJ: I dun know why woman like mango...My wife like them very much!!

Me: No leh..I also like what...

Doris: No lah, CJ, Mango is actually more for man

CJ: Why??!!!

Doris: Bcos it is MAN GO....man go for it...

Me: No lah...then why MANGO boutique for woman only???

Doris: Oh!!!! Bcos it is MAN GO away...woman come...

HH: Oh...like that Mango Pudding is for???

We stopped the conversation and switch to other topics and finally Doris admitted...I actually got something for the Mango Pudding, but no lah...dun want to say....Well, as usual...we all insist that Doris should say...So...

Doris: Man Go Put IT in....

*****

I do not see this joke coming..but our cute friend is just very funny...

We were talking about one new colleague whom had 3 children, 6, 12 and 13 years old...CJ mentioned the age in the reverse way...which is....13 years after marriage...give birth to first child....12 years after the first....give birth to second one....6 years after the second, give birth to the third one...

Let's do a simple calculation, how old will a couple be to be having 3 children?? Another thing is..I think someone mentioned...or maybe my imagination....Can a couple practice birth control for so many years??

******

On the way back, one ex colleague hitched a ride from CJ as she is having a meeting near Orchard. After putting the umbrella at the booth, we started the journey.

From Parkway to Orchard, it is quite a distance, somemore it is raining, so the journey is longer than usual.

There are 4 person sitting at the back (that's y just now need to put the umbrella in the booth). I being the bigger size one, have the priviledge to sit infront...Ex colleague sat at the centre for the record.

When we reached the forum, ex colleague is going to alight, HH is on the left, so he leave the car so ex colleague can move out. But doris and yvonne move out from the right door too...leaving the back seat empty...

My ex colleague so happily exclaimed"WOW!! so touched!! so many ppl coming out just to help me with my umbrella from the booth!!!!"

I was at the front seat alone, mouth half opened....speechless....only now that I realized that CJ also alighted...well...with the intention to help to get her umbrella....but the rest...erm....u should know what I mean..NO??? Ok, I make it plain...THE REST WANT TO STRETCH THEIR LEGS LAH!!!

How do you know a stupid person just used a pc?

Ans: When you see liquid paper is used on the monitor.

How do you know another stupid person just used the same pc?

Ans: You will see words written on the earlier liquid paper stain.

Heard this is in Youtube video.

A lady boarded a bus with her baby in her arm. The bus conductor (known as bus captain here) exclaimed "OMG!! So ugly!!!!" while staring that the baby.

Lady feel offended but did not say anything. Stormed to the back of the bus and sat down.

Another passenger noticed that the lady is frowning and seems to be unhappy, so she striked a conversation with the lady.

Passenger: What happened Mdm? You seems unhappy.

Lady: The driver said that I am ugly...

Passenger: Oh No!! That is ridiculous!!! You should give him a piece of your mind! Please go now and I will carry your monkey for you!