Things have not been going smoothly recently for me. I realized a lot of things recently and I would like to state them down before I forget about them.

Firstly, I received the retrenchment notice and my last day of service to the organization is on April 15, 2009. I have so much to do and to hand over to other team in Penang.

Secondly, my maid issue again...she had to go back to visit her father whom dump her and her mum when she was two. Initially she refused to go back until her uncle (whom she relate him like a father) forced her to...so I was busy checking how to renew her passport, bring her to embassy to do it, going to collect it this wednesday from 3pm to 5pm, been searching the website for more than 2 hours earlier to find her air ticket. Best part, she thought I am going to pay her all her salary to go back to Indonesia, which obviously I won't...cos she only finish her one year contract after direct hiring.

I wanted to send her back and my mum refuses to take a new maid...I have to do everything myself and all some have to do is to reject my proposal.

I have my own personal stuff to settle and I actually feel very lost and sensitive towards people and words they used. I must say I am really feeling very down and stressed with my personal stuff, this retrenchment, maid issue and handover of job to Penang. All come together and I really do not have time to breathe.

Yesterday, I went to HSBC walk with my best friend and I think he is feeling cranky as he wanted to have breakfast somewhere and another friend dun want...and he made a statement which I am affected actually, but I did not tell him.

Let me go back to my saturday....I woke up ard 8am, rushed to my brother's place, went out to run errands till 2pm, then out with my younger brother to run errands again and his car got into a small accident, but not his fault...raining heavily...*skipping details*....then finishes everything around 9pm and home. So tired and dozed off around 10pm...woke up on sunday morning 6.22am...ok...here is where the thing started...Meeting at Yio chu kang MRT....I can either take from Jurong East or change at raffles place...

I took the raffles place one and then according to my friend, it is a longer distance and therefore time taken is longer...so I let them waited for 10 mins...then best friend a bit buay song. Cos whenever this kind of morning walk, he got to be driver to fetch another friend and wait for me somewhere. Best part is that he wanted to go another place to have breakfast with more choices and another friend refuses....and the fishball noodle really sucks...so he got very cranky....therefore while doing our morning walk, he commented "I nearly have this intention to ask u all to come to the destination yourself next time, one stay so far, one need me to drive"

I suddenly turned very quiet...I am really very quiet and walking behind both of them. I think this is causing both of them to realize my unusual silence...I am struggling within myself and I keep asking why am I so affected with this comment as my best friend always like to pass comments which are unintentionally...took me really some time to get over it and I can only conclude that it is due to me feeling very down, that I am having this hurt feeling.

I realized that stubborness does not bring me anywhere in life...what do I gain for having cold wars? Nothing.. What do I gain for throwing temper when I am feeling stress over work and stuff...Nothing...Company do not appreciate your hard work and committments...

In life, what matter most is that someone whom you love dearly, your family members and close friends whom you care and care for you..

Do not blame me being very emotional here....this is what I have gathered so far after so many things happening to me and thank you (you know who you are) for the kind words and support you gave me. Maybe you do not know that I have tears rolling down when I talk to you, but at least I do not feel that I am alone having to brave through this low tide of my life.....